The Art of Self Love

A little inspiration and practical advice regarding the most important and meaningful love of your life…

YOU.

Loving yourself can seem like a vague idea, indulgent or even unnecessary. But it’s vital. Putting self love into practice and creating habits that fill you up is key to a fulfilled life. Daily self love will make you a better human, mother, wife, photographer… a better you.

It’s like going to the gym. (I think. I don’t go to the gym, so I don’t really know.)

I’m fortunate enough to have photographed amazing women who have become friends – mothers, entrepreneurs, single ladies, working ladies… all loving, nurturing, evolved humans who value the art of self love.

Today, I’m bringing you their BEST practical advice – 14 voices for the 14th of February – simple powerful ways to practice putting some loving on yo’ self!

christa_meola_personal_branding_photography_005Kate Northrup
KateNorthrup.com

I Jedi mind trick myself into taking time for myself because I know other people will benefit. So I get the self love, ultimately, and everyone else gets a better me too!

 

christa_meola_personal_branding_photography_008Alejandra Ramos
Food and Lifestyle Expert, AlwaysOrderDessert.com

When it comes to self love, I admit that there are days when it is easier than others. I think that’s true for all of us—we all have days when we’re just feeling amazing and totally on point, and then others when nothing seems to be right. It’s those trickier days when it’s even more important to treat yourself with love and kindness. I have a few little reminders that get me through those days.

1. I try to never say anything to myself that I wouldn’t say out loud to a friend. For example, I’d never say to a friend “ugh you’re such an idiot” or “your thighs look gross in those shorts,” so why on earth would I ever say something so horrible to myself? Our minds our powerful and we believe what we hear over and over again—whether it’s coming from an outside source or from our own thoughts. So many of us are so mean to ourselves in our head—a big part of self love is recognizing that, and taking steps to delete those ugly messages from our minds. It might seem impossible, but like anything else it’s just about building the habit.

2. I never deny myself an opportunity out of fear. Fear is an incredibly powerful force that robs us of the ability to live life fully. If I ever feel like I’m stopping myself from pursuing something, I check in and make sure I’m not doing it because of fear. Note that I don’t mean totally rational fear like the kind that protects us from danger, but the silly kind that keeps you from trying out for an opportunity at work, asking out a guy because you’re afraid of getting rejected, or wearing a bikini on the beach because you’re afraid of what people will say. That kind of fear serves no real purpose and to give it too much control is essentially a lack of trust in yourself and your abilities.

3. I don’t apologize for the things I love. I think there is way too much guilt in our society—we feel guilty about the food we eat, the things that turn us on, what we read or watch on TV, about taking vacations or even sick days, the list goes on. How many times have you called your favorite show “a guilty pleasure,” apologized for preferring something a certain way, or denied yourself a treat? Stop it—that’s nonsense. Part of self love is accepting that everyone deserves to enjoy things, and that those things are unique to every individual. I’m not saying it’s cool for you to sleep with your friend’s husband. (It’s not. Don’t do that.) But there is no need to feel bad about all the wonderful little things that bring you joy in life.

 

christa_meola_personal_branding_photography_001Rachel Rodgers
Business Coach & IP Lawyer, RodgersCollective.com

I think it’s important to do things that make you feel powerful and remind you of your greatness regularly. That might be different for different people, but for me, going to the gym and running, plus lifting weights makes me feel bad ass. And while I do it, I often listen to music, like rap and Beyoncé, that has lyrics where the artist is talking about how amazing they are. And I sing along and speak those same words to myself. I do this several times per week, and it really does make me feel powerful.

The other self-care thing I am committed to is bath time. Whenever I am stressed, feeling uncertain, have too many outside opinions swirling around in my head, I take a hot bath. And while I am in there, I just feel the hot water, relax and let my mind wander. It’s so peaceful, and I am so disconnected that it’s almost a meditation. When I come out of the bath, I always have clarity on my next move. Literally every single time without fail.

So I think in both cases, whether I am at the gym or in the tub, I am meditating on my own power, my own greatness. I dream my dreams and reflect on all of the past dreams that have come true and recognize my power to make my current dreams my reality, too.

 

christa_meola_personal_branding_photography_009Aimee Raupp
Author & Acupuncturist, AimeeRaupp.com

Practice kindness and compassion towards you. Being easy on yourself is the best form of self love. The best way to do this is to begin to hear the conversation you have with yourself in the privacy of your own mind. Once you begin to hear what you’re saying – witness it and then ask yourself: Can I be more kind to me?

 

christa_meola_personal_branding_photography_002Jayne Jewell
Master Coach, JayneJewell.com

A few steps to self love:

One, every day even amidst chaos, take time for yourself – even 5 minutes to step aside do something small yet powerful for you: either list what you’re grateful for, get centered, or do affirmations… whatever it is for you.

Two, when creating your to do list – check it: are you on it? Most of us moms have “have to do’s” on our list that is about caring for others: our career, kids, husband, or the running the house. But do you show up on your to do list? Every week, make sure to do something just for you: either read a favorite book, have coffee with a friend, go to an exercise class – make it be just for you.

Three, look at the things you already do in life and give it new meaning. Something you do over and over again, but you don’t necessarily call it self love. For example, when I had my first born, my whole life revolved around the baby (of course, as it should) – I was exhausted all the time. But I took a bath every day no matter what. Even if it was just 10 minutes and sometimes with candles or a book. I looked at that and said: Whenever I take a bath, that means “I’m taking care of myself and giving myself love and I love myself.” Take something you’re already doing and give it the meaning that: “I take care of myself.” Every night that I read or do deep breathing, or every time I feed myself nutritious food. Something that you’re easily and effortlessly already doing – and make a declaration!

Lastly: This.

 

christa_meola_personal_branding_photography_006Erica Kramer McCabe
Studio Manager, Christa Meola Pictures

I let myself be ok with saying no to things that I don’t want to do and to not feel guilty for doing things that are just for me. Getting a massage or a pedicure is easy, but not feeling guilty that I took time just for me is the hard part. And I’m getting a lot better at it. Because if I feel guilty, then what’s the point?

 

Licia Morelli
Best-Selling Author, LiciaMorelli.com

Every week, I look at my schedule and set aside time for me – it can be one hour a day, every other day, or three times per week. I set the intention to take that time to do something that I want to do. It doesn’t have to cost money, but it feels indulgent, like read a book, go for a walk, or take a bath. It’s important that it’s not for anyone or anything else. So I’ll read a fiction book, not a workbook. I’ll take a walk alone, not with a friend.

And once a month, I make sure to have something scheduled like a massage or facial – again, something indulgent that’s just for me.

The most important piece is not to give. So if I’m going to a massage, I let them know that I’m not going to talk. The not giving at all is SO key. It’s a total game changer!

 

christa_meola_personal_branding_photography_007Mirna Jose (featured on right)
Make-up Artist, MirnaJose.com

Don’t apologize for who you are or how you are. Once you’ve accepted yourself, including your flaws, the rest of the world will have to accept them too. Own your individuality.

 

Danielle Diamond
Mind/Body Wellness Expert, XenStrength.com

My best advice is to let go of what isn’t worth stressing about, and ask myself if it’s going to matter in 5 or 10 years. And if it’s not, I don’t let myself stress about it. The size of my ass- is it going to matter? If my kids leave their soccer cleats in front of the door, again – is it going to matter? If the launch of my new program doesn’t hit the goals I set- is it going to matter?

When people think about self love they usually go right to things they need to do: eat better, exercise more, get a massage. What I noticed was that letting go of things brought me more joy and peace than any scented candle or spin class.

 

christa_meola_personal_branding_photography_010Natasha Lakos
Creative Director, Natasha on Instagram

I ask myself how would I treat or talk to myself as a little girl. Probably inspired by my 7 year old niece, Olivia. I wouldn’t talk to her or expect things of her the way I sometimes do of my grown up self.

 

christa_meola_personal_branding_photography_000Jolene Smith Garcia
High Performance Coach, JoleneSmithGarcia.com

What if your primary responsibility was to operate at MAX POTENCY–bringing as much focus, love, joy, and flow-state to every moment as you possibly can?

(Even while witnessing injustice in the world, and doing something meaningful to change it.)

What inputs would your unique body, mind, and spirit require in order to operate at max potency? More: Hours of sleep? Blocks of unstructured time for creativity? Gracious no’s instead of people-pleasing yes’s?

Which soul-filling relationships would you lavish with attention, and which would you clean up or limit? What kind of self-talk would you allow inside your brain?

I dare you to aim for max potency. We need your most amped up contribution. Stop holding out on us.

 

christa_meola_personal_branding_photography_004Michelle Martello
Digital Strategy for the Modern Entrepreneur, Minima Designs

Spend time with people who are excited about life and don’t talk down about themselves. It’s one thing to poke fun, but if you’re always criticizing yourself (and others) it can really drag you down. A person’s energy is contagious – and you only get so much time on this earth. Spend it wisely with people who want to spend it with you!

 

Richelle Zizian Fredson
Director of Publicity & Book Marketing, Hay House Inc.

Practicing self-love is exactly that–a practice. Some days it’s much easier than others. I try and remember to treat myself with the same compassion I treat others–especially when things get tough. I think we can be so much better at being kind to others, but we must be kind to ourselves too.

I’m a Leo, so luxury and treating myself are NOT hard things for me–but I try and work it into my schedule. Most recently I’ve started doing acupuncture–it’s my non-negotiable. I plan it during the work week, and I make myself get away from the office to do it. It can be hard when things are really jam-packed in my day, but I’m always grateful that I stepped away to do something for myself. Honoring my body and treating it well are my favorite ways to practice self-love.

 

christa_meola_personal_branding_photography_003Juliana Morris
Founder, Be Your Own (S)expert, DrJulianaMorris.com

In our busy lives and with so many competing interests pulling us in many directions, it can be hard to take care of ourselves. We can’t, however, thrive and show up as we want to in our lives if we don’t make taking care of ourselves a priority.

Mind
Have a routine of making your environment positive. Make a collage of positive images and dreams/goals that motivate you and inspire you. Place it by your bed or in your bathroom so you see it when you go to sleep and wake.

Body
Practice words of affirmations about your body. Focus on your favorite parts and send love to the areas that you make a habit of avoiding or criticizing. Thank your body for taking care of you and for supporting you.

Embrace masturbation and self pleasure. Vary your routine if you self pleasure regularly so it feels exciting and fun. Watch yourself masturbate or use a different rhythm and pressure point. Give yourself 20 uninterrupted minutes to explore your body and see where you find pleasure rise within you. If you don’t have a positive relationship with self pleasure, change that! Commit to giving yourself permission to give yourself pleasure, be patient with yourself as you begin to find new parts of your body, and remind yourself the goal is to find pleasure and not perform or ‘achieve’ an orgasm.

Soul
Make a playlist of music that fills your soul. Play it loudly. In the car, in your kitchen, in your bathroom. Keep adding to it. Call it a fun name and let yourself get lost in the mood of the music.

Find a daily devotional that speaks to your spiritual beliefs or inspiration points. Read it at the same time every morning. Make the routine sacred and no more than 5 minutes so you have no excuse to skip it. Light a candle or drink your favorite tea as you read it.

You are worth this self care time and the reconnection with your mind, body and soul will sustain you ten fold. Enjoy and prioritize you!

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Wishing you lots of (self) love,

Christa

Women’s March is More Than Just a Moment

Saturday, January 21st, 2017.

As photographers who specialize in photographing women, we often talk about our core mission of “empowering women.”

I wanted to walk the walk, so I went to the Women’s March in Washington D.C.

There was so much positivity, strength and sisterhood amongst the almost one million people that were there that day. Women, men, even kids – with such clarity of purpose.

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This energy has pulsed within me since.

Because the march was more than just a moment. It’s a movement.

If you’d like to get involved, simple daily actions can be found here, here and here.

Rise up. Lift your camera. Share your voice.

I’ll be right next to you.

xo, Christa

Boudoir Outtakes – How to Capture Someone’s Essence

One of my secrets to capturing the essence of someone is including a lot of outtakes in the final set. By outtake, I mean the moments that aren’t “posed” – usually the moments in between, when she thinks I’m not shooting (but I always am :), when she blushes, lets out silliness, cracks up or in some other way expresses an authentic feeling.

The shot above and just below of Mrs. H (a bad ass businesswoman, devoted wife and mother of five!) are my two favorite shots of our photo shoot – and they’re outtakes.

Here are a few highlights of both outtakes and more “posed” moments…

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So maybe you grabbed the shot so quickly you accidentally cropped off the toe, like I did here, below. BUT the essence of the human being is there.

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So make sure to include those outtakes as one way to capture someone’s essence.

It’s the thing I’m most complimented on, and now you know one of my secrets.

Have fun with it!

xoxo, Christa

Nude with Fringed Shawl

If I were going to choose only one accessory to shoot with nudes or boudoir, I’d go for an embroidered fringe shawl every time. They can be elegant, tasteful, and provide a lot of coverage or a little. It’s a great middle ground for clients who would like to do nude, but need some help getting warmed up.

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These were all shot during a live in-person workshop in NYC, during a mini-demo with one window as our light source. Check out some other nudes with fringed shawl here.

Remember to coach a bunch of actions to create variety and have fun with it!

xoxo, Christa

 

Simply Stunning Strobe Lighting

Here are three lighting set-ups from a personal branding shoot in Los Angeles with the brilliant and bad ass Justine Musk.

We shot this first set with 2 strobes, using a similar set-up I first demo’d in Gorgeous 2-Strobe Set-up.
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The main light with octobox is raised above head level and just to my right. Back light directly opposite angled just slightly toward camera. Here’s a diagram of set up #1:

christa_meola_lighting_diagram_1

Then we switched to the seamless studio background (Dove Grey, my fav), keeping mostly the same lighting set-up above for the first shot below. Note that we simply inched the back light further out to my left here so that it created an edge light on the right side of her face, arm and body. Here it is SOOC…

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Here’s a diagram of set up #2:

christa_meola_lighting_diagram

Now, did you ever want to create that hazy soft ethereal look?

Here’s how to do it: We added a third strobe. My assistant stood just a few feet to my left and slightly in front of me, holding a strobe pointed directly into my lens. Yes, it was slightly blinding to my eyes – ha! – but I really love the soft haze and color that resulted.

Here it is SOOC with only sharpening added…

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My assistant played around varying the angle of the strobe to get more and less light into my lens, thus varying the color/light effects you see above.

Diagram of set up #3:

christa_meola_lighting_diagram_3

There ya go  – easy, fun, beautiful lighting.

Flattering light doesn’t need to be complicated – try it out and have fun!

xo, Christa

Lighting diagrams created at sylights.com.

Sexing it up with Silver Reflector Boards

Ever since I first blogged this set-up 2+ years ago, I’ve been answering tons of Q’s about how I created this look.

You’ve asked consistently for a “simple go-to lighting scenario” and “what are those background reflectors you use?” – so I went ahead and made this tutorial for you.

Photographers who’ve attended my live workshop in NYC have seen this set up in action, and I’ve become known for it. (So much so that when Annie Leibovitz shot Caitlyn Jenner for Vanity Fair, I received several messages joking that she stole my look!)

But this look is easy and hardly revolutionary. I wasn’t the first and I won’t be the last. In fact, you can use it on your next shoot.

Here’s why I love it:

√ I use this set up for everything from boudoir and nudes to personal branding and head shots.

√ It’s awesome to use when doing mini-sessions and marathons because it gives me confidence when I’m hustling to create variety within a single session.

√ No matter how cluttered a location is, this set-up provides a cool clean backdrop in a pinch.

√ And the lighting is universally flattering.

Take a peek at how I use it for boudoir…

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For personal branding and entrepreneurs…
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For headshots…

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And for nudes…

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Silver Reflector Boards Lighting Diagram
christa_meola_reflector_lighting_diagram

Tips on using
Walk around and try different angles to either incorporate reflections or totally eliminate them.
Have your model stand close to the reflector for sharper reflection, and ask her to step away from the reflectors for more blur.
Open and close the reflectors for different looks, move it around the studio and have some fun!

What to get
It’s called Bead Board 4′ x 8′ x 1″ or foam core reflector boards.
It comes in glossy, matte, and semi-matte. I got the semi-matte.
It comes in varying thickness. Get the thicker boards because you’ll need the sturdiness. It’s more money, but worth it.

Where to buy
I got mine at Set Shop in NYC. They deliver. But you can get them at most photo supply stores.

How to make
Lay the boards on the floor, silver side down, and tape the backs together with thick gaffer tape along the spine from top to bottom.

Violá!

Reflectors á la Meola.

Hope it’s helpful when you want a simple gorgeous lighting set up that clients will love.

xo, Christa

ps. Try it out, and please share your pics with me on social media. I’d love to see your success! If you have any Q’s, ask them via Instagram or by tweeting me @christameola.

Shades of Grey

Sunset hour at the studio is one of my favorite times of day, and I love keeping it simple…

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This woman chose to remain unretouched in all the photos above. #RealisBeautiful.

xo, Christa

ps. We show all clients their pictures without retouching, and it’s each woman’s choice whether to keep them that way.

Spotlight on: Michelle Martello

Michelle’s a triple threat, who’s everything a modern entrepreneur wants: a talented web designer, fierce digital strategist and brilliant coder. Most importantly, she’s someone you can trust, always tells it like it is, and goes many extra miles for you.

I should know – Michelle is finishing up the new ChristaMeola.com, launching this Fall.

As fiery as her hair color, Michelle is hilarious, the sexiest dancer you’ll ever want to meet and one of my dearest friends.

My husband and I love visiting Michelle and her husband in Richmond. You can expect house music and homemade cocktails; wine tasting and drag racing; hot seats and lots of hospitality.

Check out our interview below to hear more about Michelle and her latest exciting project.

I’m delighted to introduce you to (the completely unretouched) Michelle Martello…

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Michelle, give me 5 words to describe you.
Loyal. Strong. Creative. Independent. Witty.

What is your greatest gift?
I love looking at the bigger picture of someone’s business – envisioning years ahead and seeing what’s next. Staying ahead of the curve and getting my clients to the top of their game.

How do you keep inspired?
Constantly reading everything I can get my hands on. A slight Pinterest obsession. Running on my favorite forest trails. Frequent retreats to spaces where I can’t get wifi.

How do you walk your walk?
I strive to do everything with the utmost integrity. I refuse to put my name on anything I’m not proud of.

Can you tell us a favorite inspirational story of someone you’ve helped?
These days I’m most proud of my role as a mentor. I love supporting designers to find their voice, gain confidence and challenge themselves. I love when people I’ve mentored come back a year later to say our work together completely changed their lives – they’ve turned their business around and are working with amazing clients and projects.

What are you most excited about right now?
I am so passionate about helping business owners create their own online products and services . The online education sphere is a huge (and still vastly underserved) market. Creating your own product is a great way to get known, generate income and to share your knowledge with the world. That’s why I’ve created an all new guidebook, The Minima Guide to Getting Paid Online that covers everything you need to know about selling (and getting paid) online.

When do you feel your most beautiful?
In the ocean.

How do you feel about your body?
I fought my curves for a long time, and I’ve finally accepted that I’ll never be a stick. My goals have changed as I’ve aged. I’m more interested in staying strong and agile than fitting into a size 0.  I want to be doing handstands when I’m 90 and not be worried about getting up the stairs. I want to try everything at least once. I’d love to learn parkour and run a spartan race.

What’s your favorite book?
Any kind of historical fiction or biography.

Favorite quote?
Well-behaved women seldom make history – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Favorite piece of art?
Art that makes you question everything. Currently I’m loving anything by the painter Kehinde Wiley, and Ai Weiwei blows my mind.  Modern architecture and furniture design are my other great passions.

Favorite object in your home?
My beloved aussie shepherd rescue pup, Juno.

Favorite hangout?
My front porch. Endless entertainment from people watching!

Favorite beauty product?
Dr. Jart BB Cream. I’m so fair-skinned it’s hard to find any coverage that matches my complexion. This is quick to use, gives me a glow and protective all at once.

Favorite can’t-live-without item?
Wireless headphones. I need house music at all times!

What’s your #1 tip for fellow entrepreneurs?
Get connected! The best thing I ever did was get out of my comfort zone and start connecting with others online and in person. Go to events and conferences and meet your clients and contemporaries in person!

It’s too easy to hide behind our computers, and we forget that real people exist behind the personas. Get out there and talk to people. At the end of the day, we exist to support each other. I can’t tell you how many people have worked with me because other clients have referred me. They know that not only will I deliver, but they’ve also got someone who believes in them.

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I think her answer to when she feels the most beautiful is… well, beautiful.

Count yourself lucky if you get to work with or be mentored by Michelle, and you’ve hit the jackpot if you get invited over to her house for a dance party.

More Personal Branding portraits soon!

xo Christa

ps. #RealisBeautiful – Michelle opted to remain unretouched in all of the photographs above.